“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” – Winston Churchill
Politics…ahh, it seems like wherever we turn, there’s someone talking about the upcoming US Presidential election. I live in Canada and still hear about it. For those who don’t know, that’s rare, as Canadians prefer to talk more about hockey and weather. I know, I know. We all are a little tired of it, but the more I’m hearing the more I see how it relates to our everyday trading.
Choosing a representative is a little like choosing a strategy. Will Ferrell summed it up best when on Saturday Night Live earlier this year while impersonating George W: “Running the government is kind of like driving a school bus. You don’t want a crazy person driving that bus. You want a simple, underachieving, not very educated, reliable guy behind that wheel. Someone with a steady hand, who will be on time and get into one, two…no more than four accidents a year. You already know that someone and that someone is me.”
So, if politicians and strategies were somewhat similar, what would a debate look like between the strategies vying to run our portfolios? In other words, who would our portfolios vote for? Yes, I pushed it a little in this blog, but here we go (to help liven it up a little, insert Will Ferrell’s voice of George W):
Mr. BB (Bearish Butterfly Strategy): “Howdy. It’s a pleasure to be here tonight. For those portfolios out there that are a little worried about the future, I’m your man. I can handle volatility and uncertainty…especially, those evildoers. Matter of fact, I thrive in that type of environment. If you prefer easy sailing with calm waters, well, I can hold up pretty well in those places too. They aren’t my favorite, but I gett’er done. One more thing, just don’t call me everyday. We can talk once a quarter. It will be easier for all of us.”
Mr. M III (M3 Strategy): “Good evening. As the incumbent candidate here, I can handle all types of environments fairly well. You know that. I know that. We all know that. You’ve seen me perform in good times and bad. How did I do? (insert George W chuckle). I’m not the A student or the C student. I’m more like the B student. That’s pretty darn good in my book. Bring it on.”
Mr. V Condor (Strategy): “Howdy. It’s great to be here tonight. To be honest, I’m just happy to be on stage with such an elite group. When they told me I could come I couldn’t believe it. I know I’m not really well known, but if you get to know me you’ll know that I’m pretty reliable. I’m easy to understand and have a pretty solid track record, but for some reason I just don’t get invited to a lot of parties. What? My 30 seconds are already up?
Mr. Rock (Strategy): “Hello. You know me. Year in and year out, I excel. I know I’m a little difficult to get to know at first, but that’s the sign of a good leader. Track record? I’ve done better than anyone up here if you total up the past three years and that’s a fact (while looking around for Mr. 21, but he’s not in the room).
Mr. Cramer (Jim Cramer with sleeves rolled up, of course): “Booya! How does that feel? Just saying that word puts a smile on my face and I know it will put a smile on your portfolio’s face too. Yeah, I know my batting average is a little low and my performance is a little less than stellar, but I sure know how to have fun. That’s important, right? So, don’t forget about me. Your portfolio and I will have fun changing stock picks on a weekly basis. Booya!”
Mr. Index Fund aka: John Bogle (Vanguard): “If you want to sleep better at night, just go with me. Fees will be lower and you won’t over trade as that is the kiss of death to a portfolio’s performance. All the other guys here tonight are just too complicated. I’m your feel good vote. Don’t forget that. Buy and hold until your old. Thank you.”
Ms. Orman (Suze): “I am so happy to be here as I just got back from Oprah’s house. What do I recommend? Save, save, save. Besides that, I have no idea what these other candidates are talking about, but I do have a new book on sale. Check it out. Btw, why is the guy next to me with the funny hair looking at me that way?”
Mr. Trump (“The Donald”…I couldn’t resist): “What am I doing up here? I shouldn’t even be here. This group is just too complicated. Don’t waste your time getting to know them. How do I feel about them? Glad you asked.
Mr. BB? Too complicated
Mr. M III? Too complicated
Mr. V Condor? Too complicated
Mr. Rock? Too complicated
Mr. Cramer? He shouldn’t even be up here on stage.
Index Guy? If you want to work at Wal-Mart when you are retired, sure, go with him.
Ms. Orman: Really?
Let’s make your portfolio great. Go with real estate.”
Ok. Enough of that as politics can be a sensitive issue, but you have to admit. It sure beats Canadian politics. Note: My mom says Trudeau and Trump have good hair. What? Now, that’s too complicated.
Written and contributed by John Wilson
Venkat Yerubandi says
Hahaha… good one, John! You nailed it once again 🙂
John Wilson says