And Your Portfolio Votes For…

“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” – Winston Churchill

Politics…ahh, it seems like wherever we turn, there’s someone talking about the upcoming US Presidential election.  I live in Canada and still hear about it.  For those who don’t know, that’s rare, as Canadians prefer to talk more about hockey and weather.  I know, I know.  We all are a little tired of it, but the more I’m hearing the more I see how it relates to our everyday trading.

Choosing a representative is a little like choosing a strategy.   Will Ferrell summed it up best when on Saturday Night Live earlier this year while impersonating George W: “Running the government is kind of like driving a school bus.  You don’t want a crazy person driving that bus.  You want a simple, underachieving, not very educated, reliable guy behind that wheel.  Someone with a steady hand, who will be on time and get into one, two…no more than four accidents a year.  You already know that someone and that someone is me.”

So, if politicians and strategies were somewhat similar, what would a debate look like between the strategies vying to run our portfolios?  In other words, who would our portfolios vote for?  Yes, I pushed it a little in this blog, but here we go (to help liven it up a little, insert Will Ferrell’s voice of George W):

Mr. BB (Bearish Butterfly Strategy): “Howdy.  It’s a pleasure to be here tonight.  For those portfolios out there that are a little worried about the future, I’m your man.  I can handle volatility and uncertainty…especially, those evildoers.  Matter of fact, I thrive in that type of environment.  If you prefer easy sailing with calm waters, well, I can hold up pretty well in those places too.  They aren’t my favorite, but I gett’er done.  One more thing, just don’t call me everyday.  We can talk once a quarter.  It will be easier for all of us.”

Mr. M III (M3 Strategy): “Good evening.  As the incumbent candidate here, I can handle all types of environments fairly well.  You know that.  I know that.  We all know that.  You’ve seen me perform in good times and bad.  How did I do? (insert George W chuckle).  I’m not the A student or the C student.  I’m more like the B student.  That’s pretty darn good in my book.  Bring it on.”

Mr. V Condor (Strategy): “Howdy.  It’s great to be here tonight.   To be honest, I’m just happy to be on stage with such an elite group.  When they told me I could come I couldn’t believe it.   I know I’m not really well known, but if you get to know me you’ll know that I’m pretty reliable.  I’m easy to understand and have a pretty solid track record, but for some reason I just don’t get invited to a lot of parties.  What?  My 30 seconds are already up?

Mr. Rock (Strategy): “Hello.  You know me.  Year in and year out, I excel.  I know I’m a little difficult to get to know at first, but that’s the sign of a good leader.  Track record?  I’ve done better than anyone up here if you total up the past three years and that’s a fact (while looking around for Mr. 21, but he’s not in the room).

Mr. Cramer (Jim Cramer with sleeves rolled up, of course): “Booya!  How does that feel?  Just saying that word puts a smile on my face and I know it will put a smile on your portfolio’s face too.  Yeah, I know my batting average is a little low and my performance is a little less than stellar, but I sure know how to have fun.  That’s important, right?  So, don’t forget about me.  Your portfolio and I will have fun changing stock picks on a weekly basis.  Booya!”

Mr. Index Fund aka: John Bogle (Vanguard): “If you want to sleep better at night, just go with me.  Fees will be lower and you won’t over trade as that is the kiss of death to a portfolio’s performance.   All the other guys here tonight are just too complicated.  I’m your feel good vote.  Don’t forget that.  Buy and hold until your old.  Thank you.”

Ms. Orman (Suze): “I am so happy to be here as I just got back from Oprah’s house.  What do I recommend?  Save, save, save.  Besides that, I have no idea what these other candidates are talking about, but I do have a new book on sale.  Check it out.  Btw, why is the guy next to me with the funny hair looking at me that way?”

Mr. Trump (“The Donald”…I couldn’t resist): “What am I doing up here?  I shouldn’t even be here.  This group is just too complicated.  Don’t waste your time getting to know them.  How do I feel about them?  Glad you asked.

Mr. BB?  Too complicated

Mr. M III?  Too complicated

Mr. V Condor? Too complicated

Mr. Rock? Too complicated

Mr. Cramer? He shouldn’t even be up here on stage.

Index Guy?  If you want to work at Wal-Mart when you are retired, sure, go with him.

Ms. Orman: Really?

Let’s make your portfolio great.  Go with real estate.”

Ok.  Enough of that as politics can be a sensitive issue, but you have to admit.  It sure beats Canadian politics.  Note: My mom says Trudeau and Trump have good hair.  What?  Now, that’s too complicated.

Happy trading.

Written and contributed by John Wilson